When I was younger, I struggled a lot with low self-esteem. If you knew me back then, I suppose it wasn't a big secret. I realize that all kids... adolescents... fight insecurity and the right to an identity. It doesn't matter if you're from a prairie city, or grew up on a farm, or in a booming metropolis... If you're from the North, or the South... East or West. Awkward teenagers run rampant around the world.
It has only been in the last ten years or so that I've really felt secure with who I am. It wasn't easy, but I really felt like I was OKAY. I took that strength and made the decision to test it out by taking a big leap and making a big move to an area I'd never visited, to work in a building that I'd never stepped foot in, and to face people that I'd never met before.
It hasn't taken very long for me to lose some of the confidence I brought with me. Or maybe I didn't have it to begin with. These last five months have really opened my eyes to how scary, frustrating and disappointing the world is when you don't have your security blanket to wrap around you.
I don't know what tomorrow brings -- and I hate not knowing. The personal and professional struggles are wearing me out, and sometimes I wonder if the sacrifices that I made to try something new were worth it. I've got some decisions to make in the next couple of months as I try to figure out if a second year down here is in the cards for me. I would never say that I regret any of the choices that I've made -- I think I needed all of this to make me truly realize that the awkward, shy and sensitive girl will always lurk somewhere inside, and help me appreciate the things that I once thought I "didn't need".
Find something good about each day you live. It'll help make time pass a little faster.